Consequently I now cringe every time I hear the term being used out of context . . What Does It Mean When Someone Says I'm Proud Of You? She said yes and then she said she wanted to go with me. Youre my friend, not my parents! the person who says that is actually talking about themselves, not about me, and by saying that is drawing the recognition away from me towards themselves. Home / How Do I Respond To Im proud of you? It was then that I realized that who I am is a unique, valuable, and loveable person. 4. They include: courage, commitment, imagination and compassion, and oh yes, patience -- lots of it -- because it doesn't happen overnight. Last Updated on February 28, 2023 by Ketan. By accepting the compliment and reflecting on your qualities, you may feel more satisfied in life. Thank you. Believe me when I tell you that it is not meant so kindly elsewhere. Image used under license from Shutterstock, research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you", protective role in a their child's mental health, Should Children And Parents Be Friends? 2. You could also feel patronised. You know that I'm bound to see you. How Do I Tell Him I Like Him The Best Method (Proven), What Does It Mean When She Calls You Daddy, Im so glad that youre proud of me. Praise such as this is a subject on its own much research and many, many books have been written on the negative aspects of praise. Is it a parent speaking to a child, for instance, or a friend to a friend? Express your own feelings of appreciation and gratitude. This is a noble endeavor. 8. I can see a peer, a spouse, or even a child saying that to someone who got a new deserved promotion, for instance. 4. I am proud of them for being like this with one another. (My answer might surprise you. Thank you all, too. So, the next time someone says Im proud of you, remember to take the time to think about how you want to respond. But to be proud of them? From what I read, she falls into the category of know them well but I wonder if its not something a bit out of place. Aw yeah, yeah, yeah. I think its about the underlying meaning of these words to a child. Now whether its romantic or a deep friendship is a different question. Benjamin Franklin Positive, Forgiveness, Respect 985 Copy quote Tell Them You Care. We all have people in our lives who make us feel special, appreciated, and respected. A Macquarie Dictionary definition of proud is: feeling pleasure or satisfaction over something conceived as highly honourable or creditable to oneself. Let them know that you are grateful for their support and that you appreciate their words. Ive been lurching between How can you be proud of someone elses children? but then challenging that with But then as we do both have a close relationship with her we probably have had some influence on how shes turning out . That is why a long-term mentor can also feel pride. But, its important to remember that responding to Im proud of you with gratitude can help to boost your confidence and will help you to overcome your self-doubt. The administrator suggests obtaining professional advice on any concerns (including medical or psychological) the reader may hold regarding their children, themselves, or others. Use words that will strengthen your relationship. Is it OK to respond to "I am proud of you" with "Me to", "So do I", and "I am too", and "I am proud of you too"? Don't remind them how far they've come. Thats my life goal. Lost Index. And, you are the best thing ever to happen to me. Is the childs achievement actually a reflection of their parents achievement? Marilyn, My life changed the day I heard Mr. Rogers tell me he liked me just the way I was. What are we trying to say or do, when we innocently, and with the best of intentions, praise our children with "Im proud of you"? I wish everyone had a genuine friend like you. But, it can also be a bit overwhelming because it puts the spotlight on us and can make us feel exposed. Id opt for saying, Im happy for you. 0. The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all others, charity. Well, thats what we are going to share in this post. ), Seven Thoughts to Help You Parent Peacefully, Hints on Maintaining a Harmonious Household. Most of the time, having pride about someone else comes from a place of superiority. Can't you do something different?" "I wish I had met you. Whatever influence we had on the person, or information we gave the person, what they did with it is their accomplishment not ours. Well, that means theyre impressed, happy, and overjoyed with what you did, achieved, or say something. 14. For what? Saying, Im proud of you, is a great word and its an expression from the heart. But one doesn't want to say that they're not proud of their country if they're looking to lead it. This "mental timeout" gives you the space to process the insulting remark in light of what it was; someone's thoughtlessness or an attack meant to provoke a reaction. Responding to Im proud of you with gratitude has many benefits. Approval is different to acceptance. Ive been totally using that word all wrong sheesh, all the complaints about the misuse of the word makes me feel bad about what and how I been addressing my peers and friends. I guess its an odd word and I stay away from it because I know how sensitive I am to it. This is what makes the difference in whether the receiver feels great or resentful. Exactly the information I was looking for thank you! In what context? Why are you taking the credit for my effort? (I'd prefer "Congratulations! Happy I did it, finally! They mean the exact opposite of what you think. First, there's physical attraction. And do you really mean that you are damned impressed with your friend for her achievement? 7. Now, of course, its diminished if the person throws the phrase around too casually to colleagues, all family members, etc., but if they are a genuine and caring person, then I believe it shows a deeper connection. What, do you really? And why should I stop using this phrase? I wasnt happy with this performance. I also have to let go of holding it against him, because I presume it was a well-meaning gaffeinstead of saying how happy he is for me, as hes never been belittling before. And you get to benefit from them regardless of the outcome of your relationship. I say it often to former students. They can be proud; we should be happy for them, and grateful that we played any part in it. Well cover some of the better responses you can give, like thanking them, making them feel special, or making them laugh. What is BBC Future? I have never regarded the word pride as implying that the one feeling it is somehow responsible for it. Let them know how much better you feel now that you're smokefree. That way, all they have to do is show up. If youre proud of me, buy me a pizza, then. All rights reserved. Thanks. In the South, people are proud of you if they know you. When someone says Im proud of you, they are expressing their admiration and respect for you and that can be a powerful thing. For going back to work when Im still hardly sleeping, due to having an 8 week old at home? She says "Good boy. Connect, Converse and Communicate Better. Responding to Im proud of you with gratitude is also a great way to show appreciation to others. you see the work of your close friend and you tell him "I am proud of you". Private face-to-face sessions and course not available at this point. True - the parent might have spent hours helping the child get their homework done or even completing the childs assignment. So - does this research negate my concerns regarding the phrase "I'm proud of you"? 9. In this research, children of parents who never said "I'm proud of you" were significantly more likely to contemplate, plan or attempt suicide. Knowing someone is proud of you, is indeed one of the most rewarding feelings in the world. A teacher or a mentor can be proud of their student, but you can't really be proud of your peers. but you do play a role in their success! A compliment like this means a lot to us, seeing that we give our people a chance to be happy and proud because of us. 8. "I had no idea". If that's the case, I suggest a change of phrase. How come you didnt come to watch this match? 2. Because this was someone elses idea. Future Planet. You might say: "I'm so proud of you for trying to quit smoking. Achieving your goals will help you stay motivated, inspire you to set and achieve more, and increase confidence. Instead, I try implementing the approach from Parent Effectiveness Training (PET), a peaceful, gentle approach to parenting, that teaches respectful communication skills, and offers alternatives to using rewards (such as praise), or punishments (such as saying "Im disappointed"). 3. implying a mentor relationship. Who are children then living their life for - themselves, or their parent? 8. For me, this was a huge take-away moment. I can make it possible only because you give me hope. They dont have more power than you, and in some cases less, but their opinion matters because they know you so well, and because you respect them and what they think. So as you can likely see, when people say they're "proud" of someone else's accomplishments, they're really saying they are entitled to some honor or credit in the accomplishing of those accomplishments; and when people say they are "humbled" by other people recognizing them for their accomplishments, what they really mean is they . Id have fallen over from shock if I ever heard it from anyone in my family (& still would!). I also told her I had a great time & that she picks up my spirits. Anyone who overthinks any form of compliments or think's that there are hidden agendas or people are not being completely honest about what they say, should take a step back and ask themselves why they are thinking those thoughts, personally i believe it's more about them and not what is being said about the phrase. It seems to me that the authors of the study used the phrase 'I'm proud of you' as a catch-all measurement, to reflect a parent's emotional connection with, and support, for, their child - and that it was this emotional involvement that provided protection against suicidal ideation. 13. 4 . The Four Words That Can Protect Your Child's Mental Health, Parenting Behaviours Linked to Suicide Amongst Adolescents, How to let your children know you are proud of them (Very Well Family), First published 28th August, 2014. Children whose parents constantly say "I'm proud of you" may grow to be adults who rely on other people's opinion of them for validation. Second, this very fact helps explain why we resent it if the praise comes from someone who isnt viewed as a mentor. You're not necessarily the expert. While "sb is proud of him" can express positive meaning. You haven't said who is speaking to whom. I was very irritated and angry. You are taking joy in someone else doing good. Her future mother-in-law (my friend) told me later she was proud of me. 1. What does it mean when a woman says she's proud of you? It remains condescending and arrogant. He remembers things that you tell him. We are probably trying to encourage our children, and even instil in them a sense of pride in their own achievements. Hosted by Pressable. He gets a "that's nice". You look so much better!". 2014, 2016, 2019. ), belonging to my close friend, on her business page. It will show your appreciation for their words, it will help to strengthen your relationship, and it will create a positive and constructive environment. After reading this, I now believe its because I dont look up to him in any way and he doesnt know me so well as to fully appreciate my accomplishment like my family would. It may not display this or other websites correctly. I felt great to know he as proud of me, especially after he had read my term report cards in high school. Originally Published: March 28, 2018. momcilog/E+/Getty . I don't think you . 2. An acquaintance commented on a recent Facebook post I made that he was proud of me and immediately I felt so mad about that but couldnt figure out why. They note your hard work and dedication and remember the person you were before and admire the person you have become. I am in awe of your talent and accomplishments. This can help to create stronger relationships and can help to create a positive and constructive environment. First, he is probably higher status / higher power. And black adults (57%) are more likely than whites (43%) or Hispanics (42%) to know someone who falls into . Yeah, If grandpa was here, he would have said the same. To be sure, "I'm really proud of you buddy" can sometimes occur between friends. But I believe that spouses say it, and siblings. They may continually search for praise from their bosses, their co-workers, their partners. It is a feeling of relief and it was all worth while you bringing them up properly. Why is your manager taking credit for the work you put into the report? Do you think if they didn't mean it they would say it? Even if the other person's words and/or actions seem reprehensible, try to be as . So thank you Ben, for after read the above I feel happy with my Im thrilled for you, You must feel really proud and the like. I dont think there is a neutral position. No, I am more proud of you, too. Why is this such a contentious phrase? that he harrassed them or . We love all of our readers and we want to you to know how much youre appreciated! Never downplay the way you feel about someone's abilities and effort. Its a way of saying I see the hard work youve put in and I appreciate it. Who determines the meaning of words? If youve finally graduated or youre the first one who got an A + in your entire family, your parents express how proud and happy you make them. 6. This canstop the development of their own, "You look really pleased with your effort". I have a one year old boy and a two month old boy, and I had my first day back at work yesterday. Im glad I found this interesting discussion, as I just had a man I am seeing state I am proud of you and it made me feel great, yet at the same time realized that it can come from a position of higher power so I needed to contemplate the relationship. ie you have brought them up as parents and are proud of them for their achievements or manners etc. Just let them be. If this is the case, then of whom is the parent really proud? Proud Boys celebrate President Trump's callout to them during debate. Didnt your manager think you were capable of putting such a report together? With the best of intentions, we want to let our children know of our pride in them. A friend persevered in getting her masters degree after running into academic trouble as an undergrad. 24. 20 of the Best Encouraging Words that Hold any Caregivers Up 06 "Tim, I keep wondering what Dad would say if he were alive right now. Bless me that I keep doing bigger things than this. Your thoughts and ideas are so creative, which has allowed you to refine your talent into something unique from others. To try to sum this up, I mrried and ended up in a small, isolated village filled with people who either did not graduate high school or barely achieved that level of schooling. If a friend said it to me, I might say "Thank you", but I'd be thinking "Well, who gave you authority over me, then?". And Ill encourage them to be proud. 4. Your friend wants to say "I am proud of you too, my friend". Try The Behaviour Window. When somebody says that you are wrong: "You are entitled to your incorrect opinion." To each his own. Proud Boys chairman Enrique Tarrio poses with a Proud Boys member at a rally in Delta Park in Portland, Oregon, on September 26, 2020. When your partner is mad at you, your flirty responses to I hate you will certainly make them laugh. "Well," you respond with enthusiasm, "I'm so excited right now. Well done!. Im proud of you could be seen as an external judgement a parents verdict on a childs performance. And now, that you have the other responses to I am proud of you, you can share the same based on whos saying this and after which event. My former partner just recently told me that he was proud of me after major accomplishment. 14. Updated 7th September 2016; and 19th April 2019. But if someone says this to you, without further explanation, then it means that you are not a priority to them, they have other things that they are doing. A strong argument is a solid one. She says "Good boy. Make sure to take the time to think about how you want to respond. To me, to be proud of someone, you do not have to be above them in any way although that is usually the case ie older or more experienced (or snobbish if that is how you are) To me, you do have to have some connection with the person you are proud of. "You make me so mad.". I live about 200 miles from the old college & she lives in the same town as the college is located. Pretty much an entire generation of American kids heard it from Mr. Rogers. Im proud of myself, too. When someone tells you that they are proud of you, not only are they impressed by something you did and who you are, but they also want others to know it. Those of us who were brought up around this attitude are understandably wary of the phrase, and likely to avoid it. This post was actually very helpful for me! A person receiving this praise could also feel belittled it could feel as though their achievement was unexpected - a surprise to the other person. My mother said it to me when I graduated from college and I will never forget it. What do they perceive - when a parent (or teacher) says "Im proud of you"? Thank you so much for this great compliment. You certainly will. Try either "I'm happy for you!" or, what I find more accurate, "You bring me joy." "You bring me joy," communicates the sentiment nicely. If a parent can say, Im proud of you, then can the parent also say the opposite , Children may become dependent on their parents (and others, such as teachers or grandparents) evaluation of their achievements. She is an accredited and highly experienced P.E.T. She and I are both married. Its just a colloquialism for way to go or awesome sauce or good for you! No one means to be condescending or imply they got you there in some way. I started to cry with the realization that in my 40+ years I had never heard it from anyone but him. 3. You must log in or register to reply here. If you're more than a friend it's more loving. Don't lose control of your emotions. Its all because of blessings and good wishes, I could do it. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. 3. The same trope appears in many childrens movies (Babe, Mulan)is there anything more important to a child than their parents love and approval? First, is there anything more emotionally potent than someone you really care about and admire telling you, Im proud of you?, It feels like I can name many movies where this serves as the emotional climax. Here are other litmus tests I've blogged about. It's a pretty good deal. I realized that I needed to open myself up to friends and partners as well. When I tell my kids Im proud they are surprised and pleased. For Stein, the worst compliment is hearing: "You've lost soooo much weight! I did like here. Especially when you get to hear this from your parents, it means theyre happy to see you grow up the way they raised you. What if you really are proud of the person? I drove home and when I got home I texted her that I had arrived home safely. Here I would say something like, Youre so talented!/Thats brilliant! Proud" as praise - an external judgement of someone elses achievements. Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling. You worked so hard, you really deserve that job! Truly grateful to have such a loving family. A special note on research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you" prevents future mental illness and suicidal ideation in their children. The next morning, I woke up to an email in my inbox that was one line: "I'm really proud of you." relationship advice marriage advice Women love advice. . But is that really very useful? Living with a parents disapproval, or continually seeking a parents approval, is a life-long burden. How many people in your life can say, "I'm proud of you," and you take it fully and without any sort of resentment or dismissal? 5. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 25. Updated: Dec. 11, 2020. Think of things people have often praised. We can all have slightly different interpretations of words which if not careful can start a war! "I know you have a lot going on . But the Bible warns us against a self-centered, egotistical pride that says, "Look at me; look at . Basically, its an ambiguous expression. Next course: We hope to run a face to face course beginning in early May, 2023. Well also discuss the power of words, the benefits of responding with gratitude, and how to show appreciation to others. The proud feeling transcends from child to parent. A 2017 analysis of 2012 national data from the US, showed that parent behaviour could have a protective role in a their child's mental health. 2. Yea, Thank you is not the only response. When you respond to someones words of admiration with gratitude, youre showing that you value and respect them. Embrace Pride There are positive reasons to listen when someone says they are proud of you. "A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you." - C.S Lewis 2.
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